Currently, as of October 2023, to an outside observer, I probably appear pretty together, upbeat and cheery.

However, living a life with cancer is not actually that thrilling. In fact, it’s quite tedious and in this post, unlike on other pages discussing this topic, I’ll just share an account of a routine, average day.

Except we have to start such a day at bedtime.

Bedtime is tough because it represents the start of a bit of a grind.

Bedtime means I’m entering the challenge of getting through the night.

That process can start as early as 8pm. ie. If I’ve been challenged by my innate natural need to present my previous day as being cool, OK or absolutely fine to the outside world, I end up just plain exhausted by the energy expended in such deceit and fall into bed relieved to be able to drop the pretence.

Then, despite my failing eyesight, (I can’t read a PC screen or mobile device without glasses any more), I generally rely on the 50″ TV in the bedroom to deliver me some escapism in the form of on demand Coronation Street drama or I pursue some YouTube related adventure watching Space X Starship progress , artificial intelligence news or current affairs fodder to occupy my incessant need for intellectual stimulation … all the while knowing that waves of hot sweat and chills will soon force me to shout “Alexa. Fan on” and “Alexa Air on” to push air my way via one of two strategically placed smart air conditioning units. (I have a third manually controlled remote air fan if I need even more additional cooling).

I also regulate my temperature with a dry towel and two water soaked flannels hanging off the bedstead while, beyond my control, I sweat into the sheets from my back, shoulders and limbs.

Yeah. It’s pretty grim.

AND, lest we forget, even if or when I eventually defy such problematic issues and drop off to sleep, my prostate condition guarantees I wake up every couple of hours to pee … which prompts the whole night sweat thing to grip me all over again.

So … yeah … bedtime ... nightimes ... they are not my favourite times of any given day.

Yes. Cancer is a bummer and, (pause), God, yes I feel really lousy most mornings after a now routine nightly regime of hot sweats, visits to the bathroom and constant insomnia BUT, once awake and upright, (usually by around 9:30am), I return to the regular Chris Goodland I recognise and then I just get on with life.

And getting on with life has taken on some new and profound extra meaning since the onset of the illness although, I might add, I don't recognise any narrative that suggests that I am "battling cancer" or battling with cancer, (Not yet anyway), ALTHOUGH, at any moment, at any time, as an obvious consequence of enduring such an insidious disease, I may discover some different part, (or parts), of my body rotting from within).

UPDATE: Actually, as of February 1st, 2024, that process may, (or may not) have already happened although the strange, burning sensation in the calf of my left leg could be a number of things including;

a) A mere pulled muscle. b) Another blood clot? c) A section of numb skin manifesting as a result of  sciatica

brought about by the botched cancer biopsy? d) Bone cancer in that same leg?

Dunno. Dunno quite what is going on so I've just gotta wait a few days to see if the issue passes or dissipates. Hope it does.

Anyway; I have other issues troubling me, worse than cancer, and they come from an unexpected direction.

From what I used to think was family.

Thus, while not my ideal choice or preference, with a prospect of not having anyone close to grieve me, I guess the top of my bucket list is to leave everything neat, tidy and sewn up, (see below), and to die and be buried without much fuss or ceremony. Therefore, this website, (or another, more comprehensive one I've created elsewhere online), may take on a much more poigant but important role.

I guess that what I'm really saying is that I want THIS SITE, (or one like it), to be the source and focus of any celebration of my life and that I want anybody reading these words to just know that I've loved every experience we may have ever shared together! x

That said, something else has arisen. ie. Some sense of wishing to get my affairs in order, both to simplify my life while I'm still here AND to put my affairs in order for when I'm not.

Thus the following considerations, (below), are things I just want to acheive or get done before that time comes.